3 Things Guys Look For in a Girl

Whether your trying to hook up, get a promotion at work or just trying to understand the male mindset slightly better, the 3 points below will exponentially increase your confidence with guys, and it will show. Guys will smile at you more, appreciative of your change in character towards them and life will be that much more enjoyable. The potential to land a guy greatly increases, as any guy you come into contact with is a possibility. Surely it can't be that simple, you ask yourself. Well, it's up to you to read the tips below and put them into practice.

1. PATIENCE. For some reason, a lot of girls are ticked off by guys who can't follow simple instructions. We all know that females are the superior of the two races. Females are better at multitasking, at conflict resolution and at arguing a case through successfully. Guys will eventually understand what you say, but you may have to explain it to them in simpler terms, or repeat it a few times for them to process. A patient female at home is also a delight. Man of the house, move aside, a patient mother and wife is truly spectacular and will be loved by all.

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2. CONFIDENCE. It doesn't matter if a female is intelligent, witty or funny. If she's unsure of herself, it will show in her stance, her expression and her actions. All guys LOVE a confident female. A girl I knew at school was the shyest thing ever. When she did an oral presentation about whaling, her personality just shone and my eyes did not leave her for the whole 10 minutes of her speech. You can be shy but confident at the same time. In fact, a lot of guys dig shy girls too. It just takes some practice on your behalf to start conversations and be yourself.

3 Things Guys Look For in a Girl

3.DOWN-TO-EARTH. All guys love a girl who is themselves and who isn't trying to be someone else. Us guys hate it when girls are affected by something that's really insignificant and it changes them for the worse. Being down-to-earth usually goes hand in hand with confidence because if a girl is down-to-earth, they usually don't care about what people think about them and that's a perfect recipe for a guy magnet. A girl who's down-to-earth who enters a room will make people calm, laugh and is generally someone who's easy to get along with. If you can't believe how simple those above three tips are, then I suggest you read over them again and digest them. This is from a real guys who appreciates real girls. No matter what background you are from, those three things are things guys look for in an ideal girl. If you're just trying to get a bit of extra attention, be prepared for much more attention as you shine like you never have before from applying the above 3 rules.

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Nude Yoga - Naked Yoga For Men and Women

Nude yoga may seem strange and unappealing to some, but it is a growing trend among a whole new generation of yoga enthusiasts.

The very purpose of yoga is to align your spirit and live in a present state. The best way to do this is to lose a sense of all material possessions and worldly thoughts during yoga and meditation. This may naturally include shedding your clothes. You will notice once you are free from the restrictions of clothing you can experience an increase in mobility, flexibility and respiration.

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Nude yoga is the next step for many casual yoga enthusiasts as they continue their journey to living in a present state. To some it may seem rather over the top. It truly is a drastic measure, necessary only for open minded souls with a desire to feel completely free from all worldly constraints in a quiet time of meditation and yoga.

Nude Yoga - Naked Yoga For Men and Women

Although some self conscious individuals may find that completely exposing themselves is uncomfortable and distracting, it is not the only option for a naked yoga feeling. For those who do not feel comfortable with being nude for any extended period of time; here is a method from a select group of people that have learned to use a thinner than normal yoga attire such as "under armor", to give an illusion or feeling of being nude without having to actually be.

I would suggest everyone try nude aerobic yoga solely for the enhanced experience. It may not be a practice for everyone, but it may also be a special key to unique self discovery as you continue the journey into the vast world of yoga.

You can learn a lot more about feeling natural here: Natural Stress Relief

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Organic Gardening Books - Here Are The 6 Best Gardening Books For Beginners And Greenthumbs Alike

These organic gardening books are those that have had the most profound effect on me, and I have read a lot of gardening books. But these books are the best of the best, in my opinion.

Botany / Plants Book

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The Secret Life of Plants. The authors of Secrets Of The Soil put out amazing organic gardening books and this classic is a look at the world of plants and their relationship to us. It goes into how plants can think, how they respond to music, and how they respond to being loved/being threatened, yet sprinkled throughout are many lessons we can actually use in the garden. Anyone who believes plants are sentient beings will love this book. A must read.

Organic Gardening Books - Here Are The 6 Best Gardening Books For Beginners And Greenthumbs Alike

Microorganism Book

Teaming with Microbes. Healthy organic soil is teeming with life - not just earthworms and insects, but a staggering multitude of bacteria, fungi, and other microorganisms. These guys make the benefits of cultivating the soil food web available to a wide audience, from us organic gardening and farming addicts to weekend gardeners who simply want to grow healthy, vigorous plants without resorting to chemicals. I highly recommend this as one of the organic gardening books for you.

Organic Soil Management Book

The Non-Toxic Farming Handbook. This book is not only for farmers! It is a successful integration of diverse techniques and technologies of classical organic farming, Albrecht-style soil fertility balancing, and Reams-method organic soil and plant testing and analysis, and it is great for organic home gardeners. It covers fertility inputs, in-the-field testing, foliar feeding, refractometers, tillage, livestock nutrition, moon cycles and subtle energies, and more.

Permaculture Book

Gaia's Garden. This is one of my favorite organic gardening books for beginners. It describes an organic gardening system that combines the best features of wildlife habitat, edible landscapes, and conventional gardens into a self-renewing landscape that lets nature do most of the work. It has many good design principles, so it is partially a design book. This is my favorite introduction to permaculture because it is a fun read that really simplifies the topic. It's not as comprehensive as Mollison's works, but a great intro. I love this book.

Vegetable Gardening Book

The Gardener's A-Z Guide to Growing Organic Food. This is one of those organic gardening books that shows you how to select, grow, harvest, and store more than 765 varieties of vegetables, herbs, fruits and nuts. Not all that much info on growing from seed and transplanting, but a pretty darn big encyclopedia of food plants and good information on vegetable garden layout.

General Organic Gardening Book

Working With Nature - Shifting Paradigms. This organic gardening book was the first written by one of my gardening mentors, Heide Hermary, founder of Gaia College. It describes ecologically sound organic soil and water management practices and introduces the concept of landscape health management. It summarizes some of the most important information from other books listed on this page, and more importantly, it makes connections between seemingly disparate topics.

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Cool Tattoos For Guys - 5 Cool And Hot Tattoo Designs For Men

Here's 5 cool tattoos for guys. Consider these ink options as they have been around for a long time and always will be considered cool.

1. Star Tattoos. Not many other tattoos have all these things going for them: simplicity yet strong symbolism, modern and old school design, small or big, can be placed and look good anywhere on the body, and they have a solid and strong history. Stars are strong tattoos which have various forms of symbolism. They have stood the test of time as their history goes back to sailors who would get nautical stars to symbolize safe journeys at sea. Now days mixed martial arts fighters, military, musicians, and anyone else wishing to symbolize finding ones own direction in life get the star tattoo.

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2. Old School Tats. Cool tattoos for guys should definitely include the old school designs. Now days we've become lost in the modern trends of tattooing. Too much tribal trends and chain links around the biceps. Come on, let's get back to the real deal old school ink. These tats have stood the test of time proving that they overpower all the other trendy ink that comes and goes. If you really want to find some cool tattoos for guys, then look to the past in order to find your future ink.

Cool Tattoos For Guys - 5 Cool And Hot Tattoo Designs For Men

3. Full Sleeve. Now days there are some incredible full sleeve designs that look great on guys. It used to be full sleeves were a blur of unrecognizable ink that would badly fade throughout the years. Now you have full sleeves that pop out with detail, are filled with intense color and are really works of art.

4. Half Sleeve. If you don't want to go all the way, half sleeves can be just as intense, while costing less and requiring less time to put on. You can choose to do your forearm or your upper arm. Half sleeves can actually draw more detailed attention, as you have less of a space to view, rather than getting "lost" in the overall intensity of a full sleeve.

5. Dragon Tattoos. Finally, we have dragon tattoos that sometimes don't get as much attention as they should. These are classic, strong designs, filled with detail and color. Dragon tats are actually a good alternative if you don't want to get a full sleeve or half sleeve, but you still want to get an intense design that can cover a lot of a particular body area.

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Tips for Going Clubbing for Men

I'm just going to say it right now, I hate clubbing. The music's too loud, a lot of creepy guys are there, and people in my crew are always getting drunk. Not to mention that the club has its reputation as one of the hardest places to pick up women. However for all the negatives there are, I find myself going there every week. On a Saturday night, that's where all the attractive women on.

Clubbing is what separates the men from the boys. You're either one of the guys dancing with women on the floor, or you're on the sideline with your Corona watching him. It's difficult, but definitely possible.

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1. Whoever approaches the most, leaves with the most numbers

Tips for Going Clubbing for Men

When it comes down to it, clubbing is really just a numbers game. Some women come to the club just to dance with their girlfriends (while dressing like they want every guy to approaching them). It's hard to weed out which girls are approachable and which are not. The best thing to do is to just grab your balls, and go for it. If you get rejected, then move on to the next girl. And don't take it personally or let it ruin your night. If you approach a girl, you have a 50% chance of success. If you don't approach, then you have 0%.

2. It's all about Social Proof

Not only do people judge you by what you wear, but they also judge you by who you're with. Who's more attractive: The guy with a few girls at the bar taking shots with them, or the guy with his friends standing near the wall checking out the dance floor? I always try to take females friends along when I can. I like to dance with them at the beginning because it lets me scout the area to see who's there, much better than walking around by yourself.

The majority of women that I meet are through people I already know in the club. After you start going there a while, you'll get to know more people and start noticing a lot of the same groups go every week. When I enter I say hi to everyone I know, and usually they bring with them some friends. I get introduced and it's game on, no need for the approach phase.

3. What to wear

Many clubs are strict when it comes to the way you dress entering the club. My friend gets in all the time for this one club wearing black converses, but he can't get into another wearing the same thing.

The "safe" outfit - Black oxfords, dark socks, dark jeans, a button up dress shirt (top 1-2 buttons unbuttoned and you can roll up the sleeves to slightly below the elbows).

You can get into any club wearing this and you won't look "bad." But if you read my article on peacocking, then you know you want to look a little bit different from the standard. Personally I like wearing a t-shirt with an interesting blazer.

I know this is common sense, but please take a shower and wear some anti-perspirant before you go out. Also put on some decent cologne because you're going to get close when you dance. My two favorites are Issey Miyake and Burberry Brit. If you don't have a cologne, ask a female friend to help you pick one out at Sephora or Macy's.

4. Have a good wingman

Women are never alone in the club. The best targets in my opinion are when two girls are by themselves. You can approach them by yourself, but the girl you're with is not going to leave her friend to dance with you. That's where having a good wingman can be helpful. Also wingmen can encourage you to to approach and help you rebound. I remember one time we had an approach go bad. Afterwards my wingman told me "Man those bitches are ugly anyways, let's find someone else." We kept going and found ourselves even better women later.

The golden rule is whoever approaches the girls and picks them up, gets first pick. So don't be bitching about getting the fat chick if your buddy made the moves ;).

5. Don't drink too much

Self-explanatory.

6. Timeline

Approach -> Talk -> Dance -> Get her phone # -> Go somewhere with her.

You approach the women with whatever opener you have. You talk to her a bit and engage her. When a song I like comes on I tell her I love this songs. "Let's go dance" and take her hand to the dance floor.

The dance floor is something that comes with experience and hard to put into words. But basically you make small advances towards her and see what her limits are. I've had success making out with women on the dance floor, but the majority of them just want to dance at this stage. After dancing I take her back to where my friends are and we all drink. Talk to her a bit more and get her phone number. The clubs usually close at 2 or 3am and I always go out and eat with my friends, so I will invite her along. After that the rest is up to you.

Clubbing can be intimidating for anyone that's going there for the first time. But like all things, you'll improve with experience.

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Three Men in a Boat - Funniest Book Ever

'Three Men in a Boat' is undoubtedly the funniest book ever to be published. If you are in love with P.G. Wodehouse's work then you'll certainly love this classic written by Jerome K Jerome. It happens to be the most humorous book that I have laid a hand on. It was published in year 1889 and captures the story of three protagonists on a holiday on the river Thames. 'Three Men in a Boat' was followed by another book 'Three Men on a Bummel' which was not as successful as the former one in its times, but is equally interesting to read.

The book starts with three friends George, Harris and J. (the narrator) sitting together and discussing their sufferings and other trivial matters that have contributed towards their ill health. J, the narrator, is so confused by his symptoms that he refers to a medical book and happens to misconceive that he has got almost every possible ailment recorded in there. At one point he is so exasperated that he says- "I thought what an interesting case I would be from a medical point of view, what an acquisition I should be to the class! Students would have no need 'to walk the hospitals', if they had me. I was a hospital in myself. All they need to do would be to walk round me, and, after that, take their diploma."

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The friends discuss their problems and come to unanimous decision that all their sufferings are because of being overworked and they need a holiday to rejuvenate themselves. Planning and arranging things turn out to be a herculean task as they seem to have different opinions and choices. While deciding upon what to carry and what not to carry, they talk about instances encountered in the past which were really annoying and funny at the same time. Their objection to carry paraffin oil on the boat because of a previous unpleasant experience confines them to carry methylated spirit instead.

Three Men in a Boat - Funniest Book Ever

Once everything is settled, they decide to meet at Kingston from where they would embark on their boating trip. Along with Montmorency, the narrator's dog, they reach Kingston by a train after a lot of confusion and chaos. The rest of the story captures the adventures of these three friends on the river. The precise description unfolds picturesque beauty of the river and towns they pass through. While travelling they talk about many instances that will make you laugh. They make comments on early English history, carved oak, Hampton Court and so many other things. Their individual experiences have been brought together in the story so well that it makes the entire experience humorous. They talk about almost everything while travelling like camping, boating, singing, sailing and rafting. Each of their topics of discussion is on a funnier side. They also encounter quite a few mishaps while travelling that are interesting and idiotic.

'Three Men in a Boat' has a wonderful capability of acquainting the readers with the 19th century England. The humor in the story is brought forth so intelligently that you cannot resist yourself from laughing out loud. The tongue in cheek humor is behind the success of this book. 'Three Men in a Boat' is truly Jerome K Jerome's masterpiece which has not been read by quite a few of us. In case if you have missed this one then go ahead and grab a copy...you are not going to regret it for sure!

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Gift Baskets For Men and Get Well Ideas - 5 Ideas

For a lot of folks, the words "gift basket" and "men" do not necessarily go together. After all, when most of us think of baskets, we think of one filled with fruit, fragrant soaps or body oils: not exactly the stuff of dreams for most guys.

However, gift baskets are definitely on the rise in terms of popularity for both sexes. When it comes to suiting men's tastes, it can be filled with just about any type of guy-friendly food or goods that you can dream up. Just make sure it is all small enough to fit into a basket! Gift baskets are a great choice for men who are recovery after surgery or a serious illness.

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If you are looking for gifts for men and get well ideas, here are 5 ideas you can use right away to select the perfect gift basket for your guy:

Gift Baskets For Men and Get Well Ideas - 5 Ideas

1. Men's Magazines:

Men's magazines fill the shelves of almost any supermarket or book store nowadays. And, they are not all just of the nude magazine variety - you know, the kind that would make a guy blush if his mother caught him reading one. Rather, most of them are PG-rated, containing a healthy mix of articles on the latest electronic gadgets, sports, fast cars, and, yes, a few scantily-clad ladies here and there. Pretty tame stuff, but the man in your life will appreciate a basket full of them.

2. Massage And Spa:

Everybody loves a good massage. And you can bet that there is a spa salon with massage services for both men and women in your area. Massage gift certificates are always appreciated. If a gift certificate is too pricey, consider getting him a massage and spa gift basket. The man you are shopping for will love a massage gift basket filled with massage oils, a towel, and maybe a face cleansing bar or two.

3. Tools:

Most guys love tools - after all, they are just so useful! Why not put together a tools gift basket for the man in your life who is in recovery? You can stick with the fairly inexpensive stuff and still find lots of tools that will please him. For example, throw in a high-powered LED flashlight, an all-in-one screwdriver set... or what about one of those electronic stud finders?

4. Sports Fun:

If sports are what this guy loves, why not indulge him a bit with a sports-themed gift basket? Find a book (preferably one full of pictures) featuring his favorite sport. Add in a "greatest moments in sports"-type video. And maybe a magazine or two. This will definitely help him pass the time while he starts to feel better.

5. Audio Books:

People who are in recovery mode are always looking for better ways to pass the time. How about books on tape (or CD)? Put together 2-3 audio books and maybe a few candy bars and he will have something to do to make the time pass as he gets well.

Choose a gift basket or create your own basket for that special man in your life. And, forget the frilly bows and other niceties that adorn most baskets made for women: just keep the basket plain-looking. Just make sure it is full of the good stuff, and your guy is likely to be more than pleased.

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Men After Divorce - Advice For Men Struggling to Cope

While we have reams and reams of statistics about divorce and especially about women and divorce there is a sad lack of knowledge or even acknowledgment of what happens to men after divorce. While no one seems to want to deal with the emotions of men, especially other men it seems there is a growing problem with men not dealing with post divorce life because of a lack of support, understanding and care by the community.

Why this is the case is a complex bundle of ingrained social beliefs about the stoicism of men along with some bias by the media against men because of the behavior of the few and the fact that men themselves are disinclined to seek help or if they do, go about it the wrong way making matters worse.

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One of the most important pieces of advice to men after divorce is that they stop trying to analyze and fix a problem! Men are used to fixing things, if not with their hands with their minds, we are born problem solvers and success often comes from fixing things that are broken or not working properly be it a leaky tap, a failing business, a child's tears or their own relationships. The problem is sometimes things cannot be fixed by applying an immediate solution and when a divorce has happened and the realization hits there is no precise solution to mending a broken heart especially if the man is less inclined to introspection.

Men After Divorce - Advice For Men Struggling to Cope

When going about trying to pick their life back up men after divorce fall into a few basic categories that seem to come from our instincts: Fight or flight. Men after divorce can flee from their troubles leading to denial of their problems which well up inside them to which can also include very dangerous flight mechanisms like excessive drinking, sleeping around, drugs and other things that can lead to depression, anxiety and even worse ... suicide.

The other option is to fight. To take on their troubles and hit them with a large metaphorical stick and hope to beat them but the problem with that is the real target is often their own emotions leading to men either taking it out on themselves with self loathing and pity and possibly self harm. Men after divorce can also misread the whole situation and target someone else for this fury often being their ex-wife, children, work, parents and a whole host of other targets for excess rage.

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Older Women Looking for Men

Older women looking for men is not exactly a new thing. There are older women who are single because of having gone through a divorce, or they just came out of a relationship or they became single as a result of a life partner dying. They are older because logic says that they should be settled but it does not mean that they should not have someone to share their lives with, they might even be lucky enough to find real life.

It is not easy being an older woman looking for love, especially if you have been out of the dating game for a long time. You become unsure of how to go about meeting men that you might be interested in, and you find that the dating rules have changed so much from when you were younger and it might be a daunting experience for many to have to go back.

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Fortunately, thanks to the internet, anyone can start dating slowly and carefully, at their own pace without the pressure of actually having to meet a guy face to face. Online dating has made it possible for older women looking for men to be able to meet different kind of guys in a safe environment, and be able to start chatting to them and getting to know them better.

Older Women Looking for Men

There are also other ways to meet eligible men that an older woman can be with and ultimately like. There could be men at your workplace, or men at the library where you get your books, or at your nearest bookstore where you buy your books or at your grocery shop. Every place where an older woman finds herself in is a potential place to meet a man that you can get to know better and like.

Besides older women being on the lookout to meet men, they have to make sure that they are approachable to the men that are also looking to meeting them.

If you are going to come across as too serious, without a smile on your face, someone will take it that them talking to you is bothering you and they are just not going to want to do it. If you enjoy someone's attention, you need to show them without being too forward.

Going back into the dating scene requires that one looks good, a woman has to look good for men to look at her and give her the attention that she wants. If you look good, men will be more likely look your way and want to show their interest.

Also, guys like confident women. An older woman should have more confidence than she did when she was younger, because now she knows better about who she is and what she wants and what her place is in the world. Guys are looking for a woman who is sure of herself and whose self-esteem is solid. If you are going to come across as unsure of yourself, this is not an attractive trait for any woman.

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Unbelievable Book About Reversing Aging Process - For Men and Women of All Ages

"Sexy in Your 60's" is an amazing book that will surprise, inspire, and gratify you with its knowledge, wisdom, and straightforward style. Not only have I had the pleasure to read and review this book, but I also had the honor of being Joan's editor and learning from her directly how to reverse the aging process as we brought the book into its final format. Most stunning to me was that while the book is written by a sixty-four year old and very sexy female, its information is just as beneficial for men as it is for women-Joan's practical applications relevant to Body, Mind, and Spirit can help a man reawaken to his spiritual and sexual sides just as readily as any "crone" or woman of any age.

Women will love this book because Joan talks like a sister to them as she recounts her own experiences. She has undergone many of the trials and hardships women of her generation have faced-being expected to live a perfect married life, experiencing divorce, and having her own mother be ashamed of her when she gave birth to a child out of wedlock. Joan gave into the shame culture of her youth by giving up her son for adoption. Over thirty years passed before she reversed that mistake, only to find blessings had resulted from it. Her reunion with her son will bring tears to the reader's eyes. Her confrontation with her mother and her refusal to end for herself the cycle of fear and shame too many women experience make her one of the most vibrant voices of her generation. Joan is from the age group that led the women's movement, but she knows her generation's work is not yet done, for now they must fight the battle against ageism. Joan encourages women to embrace becoming "crones" as they enter post-menopause and become grandmothers, for "crone" is a word of great power whose true meaning of wisdom and strength has too long been forgotten.

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Joan Bunney continually highlights the inestimable value and nobility of women. She focuses upon the ancient goddess culture and a woman's power to give birth-men have so much to learn from women and women's sacred past that only in the last few decades has begun to be reclaimed. Joan joins her voice with many other voices she humbly refers to as her mentors to help bring about this changing viewpoint on women's contributions to society.

Unbelievable Book About Reversing Aging Process - For Men and Women of All Ages

But what about that word "sexy" in the book's title? Just look at Joan's pictures and you will be convinced by her sexiness. You might say, "Well, it's easy for her. She was born with that petite body-she was probably a model when she was younger." The truth is that Joan used to eat two-pound bags of M&Ms and had a career in restaurant management that revolved around food, which did not help her figure. Only in the last few years did Joan begin to study health and nutrition, and the result has been a reversal of her body's aging. She tells readers how they can also experience the youthful look she has acquired, which is not at all impossible, nor even a secret, by simply making some wise and common sense choices-choices she has made for herself as she explains in "Sexy in Your 60's."

Women of Joan's generation, and also women a generation older or a generation younger, will be inspired by this sister crone who encourages them no longer to live in fear of what men, their mothers, and patriarchal society think. Joan teaches women to shatter dysfunctional conditioning from fear-based restrictions. Instead, Joan guides women down the path to reclaiming their lost vision of themselves as goddesses, and she lets women know they do not have to age as their grandmothers did. Sixty may well be barely the halfway mark of a vibrant life if we follow Joan's advice.

"Sexy in Your 60's" is a book filled with resources. Not only does Joan tell her own story, but she constantly expresses gratitude to all her mentors for what they taught her. She discusses and provides access to over eighty resources, including books, websites, and films from which she has drawn her information, and she tells us her own experiences and the results she received from applying this information to her own healthcare routine.

And just look at her! She dates men decades younger than her; she lives a vibrant, energetic life, and "Sexy in Your 60's" is only the first of many books she intends to write. As a living testimonial that anyone can know joy well past age sixty, Joan Bunney has turned herself into the sexiest woman alive today.

Sexy In Your 60's: How You Can Naturally Reverse The Aging Process and Rejuvenate Your Life

Joan Bunney

Aviva Publishing, 2008

ISBN: 9781890427665

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Lessons From Iron John: A Book About Men

"By the time a man is 35 he knows that the images of the right man, the tough man, the true man which he received in high school do not work in life... I know a lot of men who are healthier at age 50 than they have ever been before, because a lot of their fear is gone."
~Robert Bly, Iron John: A Book About Men

When I first approached Iron John: A Book About Men it was a slap across the face - I, like possibly all men who read it, read it in isolation. But such a baptism of fire for my ego wasn't wasted, because it reinforced all the more the need for men like me - all men actually - to be connected with, and encouraged and empowered by other men - particularly older men.

Book For Men

The lessons contained in this book about men are as confronting as they are eternal.

Lessons From Iron John: A Book About Men

THE PROBLEM HIGHLIGHTED BY IRON JOHN

Industrialisation, amongst other Western ideas, including modern approaches to war, has meant that boys have been separated from their fathers psychologically.

This has caused boys to grow up fearful, angry and submissive, confused as to what manhood truly looks like. It may have been typical for boys and young men to have received more of their fathers' temper than his teaching; after all, the workplace has isolated boys from their fathers and the father may be far too tired at the end of a long workday to do what fathers should do.

But fathers, alone, cannot progress their boys through the process to manhood. Other men need to be involved. The communal model, based on the rites of passage schema, an initiatory model, is used. This is where indigenous cultures - for instance, aboriginal culture - are far more effective in traversing a boy toward manhood.

A big part of the problem, also, is society's view of men.

Men are typically to be ridiculed and not trusted, and our media supports these views. All of these negative stereotypes do - and they have been around for nearly 100 years - is make men feel even more isolated than they already are. And without connection to other men, men become lonely, depressed and angry.

IRON JOHN IS ABOUT MALE INITIATION

Perhaps it's a concept lost in our culture, but a very good reason why tribal cultures seem to have strong (read "safe") male identity is they take care to ensure their young males are initiated into manhood.

This process typically takes place about 12 years of age.

What can seem abhorrent in our culture - the initiation of boys - is a psychologically sound process. Boys becoming men (yes, at age 12) learn to connect with their Inner King - the inner warrior. And although Iron John is not a biblical text, it does line-up within a biblical frame - indeed, in biblical times such initiatory practices, including the involvement of the community in the development of the child into adulthood, would have been crucial.

When boys are initiated into manhood by other older men - not their father - they develop their emotional intelligence within a male frame. Other older men become for these younger men the "male mother." And the male mother it is that teaches the young man how to relate emotionally with his world.

The result is he is less angry and less timid; he is able to grieve; he is able to be honest with himself and others; he is therefore trusted and respected. He experiences less fear.

When a boy is shown how to connect with his Inner King he has access to courage, humility, and a safe sense of himself. This is a thing many young men these days struggle to connect with. Indeed, we may find ourselves reeling at the prospect.

But there is hope through narratives like Iron John.

WHAT IRON JOHN IS REALLY TELLING US

It seems clear to us that women are relational beings. Why is it so that men aren't? This is a critical question. If men are connected with their emotions they have no problem relating with other men. But if men are disconnected emotionally they distance themselves from the relational realm; they do not connect with themselves or others very well. The increasing sense of isolation damages them.

The challenge ahead, especially for us somewhat disconnected men, is to get connected.

Through connection, and through sharing life, our experiences, our sinfulness, our experiences of guilt and shame, we become liberated - just as God wishes us to be liberated.

As we share our lives we get to discover we are not that different from other men. This encourages us. We gather strength in our unity.

When we are liberated we become better leaders in our families; we are happier because we are fulfilling our roles; we are more courageous and more truthful; we have far less to lose when we realise that other men have the same burdens as us; confusion and anger and resentment become more and more battles won - and we don't need to return there so much.

The key in being men is being connected authentically with other men.

© 2012 S. J. Wickham.

Key Reference: Robert Bly, Iron John: A Book About Men (Boston, Massachusetts: Addison-Wesley, 1990).

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