For years I had been frustrated in finding a girlfriend who was wife material. Somehow I had been consistently picking women who would drive me nuts sooner or later. Being in a relationship consumed most of my energy. I kept blaming myself. But now when I look back, it seemed to me that the qualities I was looking for would be found in a woman with a more traditional outlook on life. I discussed these thoughts with my friends and kept looking. Finally one day, my colleague Nikki said "Brett, try Lavalife. My brother found a wonderful girl there!"
I decided to put up a picture of myself and create a profile on the site. I tried to engineer my profile so that it would look interesting to a woman looking for a long-term relationship and possibly marriage, as opposed to someone who just wanted to have fun. I characterized myself as a calm, down-to-earth professional-my name on the site was "Happy and Calm." I have average looks, but I look like a nice person, which I thought would be a good feature for the type of person I was looking for.
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Once I had prepared my profile-and researched my competition, the other men on the site-I looked through the detailed search parameters to decide what I wanted in a partner. I wasn't too picky: I was looking for a kind and caring person who was also physically attractive to me. The only parameters I put into the search were that the women should have some education beyond high school, shouldn't smoke, and should drink alcohol only socially or not at all. I was 27 at the time, so I put an age range of 23 to 32. I hit the search button.
About 8,000 women popped up, all within a 50-kilometer radius of me. The first one was a stunning Asian woman who really caught my eye. I immediately clicked on her profile, and the picture of her that zoomed up was even more attractive. I read through her profile and saw that she was Chinese. Her writing was in slightly broken English, so I knew she had not been born in North America. She spoke of wanting a kind and caring man, someone who would adore her. She was a professional accountant, and she seemed to have very traditional values. I decided right away to send her a message.
I had heard stories about attractive women getting dozens of emails a day on Lavalife, and I didn't want to be just another person sending a message. So I decided to do something to catch her attention. I wrote a message in Chinese using Pinyin, a system for spelling out Chinese words with the English alphabet. I had the Chinese doctors at the herbal company I work for confirm a few words for me.
In her profile it said that she was interested primarily in men who were 6'2" or taller (she is 5'10") and of the ages 30-38. So I wrote back to her in Chinese that while I was only 28 years old, I was 6'3", so I hoped that would be acceptable!
She wrote back right away. And said that she was quite surprised that a white male was using Pinyin. Her profile said that she lived about 45 minutes away from me, which I thought was acceptable. But a few nights later, after we had exchanged phone numbers and spoken, she said that she'd only listed that location because she had thought she was going to be transferred there, and now the transfer was off. She lived not more than five minutes from me. How I could have missed her over the last few years? I do not know. Needless to say, we hit it off, and that was over two years ago.
Aside from being stunningly beautiful, she is caring and warm, intelligent and highly educated. We are living together and are looking forward to starting a family soon.
It's great to meet a Chinese Princess!
-An excerpt from the book Asian Fever: White Women Take Note
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